Me: applies for php dev job

Also Me: Gets a call for an interview

Interviewer: So you know php pretty well it seems

Me: Why yes I have been working with php since 2012 and over the years have worked on projects primarily made with laraval with an angular front end

Interviewer: Well that's good because WE WANT YOU TO WORK WITH JAVA WITH AN ORACLE BACKEND DB AND A FRONT END MADE WITH OUR CUSTOM IN HOUSE FRAMEWORK AND $thingsIhaveNeverEverWorkedWithAndIsGivenResponsibilityWithAVeryShortDeadline

A french girl asked me something about some building or something in ...french in.... Spain at sol on my way home and me being me and her being french I replied in the most french way possible...."GO AWAY FRENCHIE!!!!"

They say don't work for money but work for something that makes you happy

Bitch chugging whiskey all day won't pay the bloody bills, who hell came up with this dumbass statement!?

Jesus fuck youtube on android is full of ads in sweden, in Bangladesh I used to get at most 2-3 ads a month on mobile

Douche: I want to remove this package but I don't want to lose core functionalities
Me: Is that package conflicting with any other packages?
Douche: No I just want it gone, I like my system "clean"
Me: Just put your laptop in the washing machine and be done with it

Dipshit: I need a better alternative to gmail which respects a users privacy

Orn: why not use protonmail?

Dipshit: They are a for profit organization, I'd prefer if there is a provider that isn't for-profit

Orn:....You expect an organiztion which respects a users privacy very well and only charges on paid accounts to give you all the enterprise stuff for free?

Dipshit: yes


this is what happens when you let people with fuck all understanding about what ui/ux is """""develop""""" a website,

what an absolutely fucking atrocious website

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